I'm Angry

I'm not going to lie but right now I am extremely pissed off. I'm not going to be mean to people or anything but I have that feeling where your so fucking angry inside about loads of stuff and our trying to figure things out and find a way of letting it out. I guess I'll attempt to here without going into too much detail.

I'm definatly not going into too much detail on this subject. It's more of a private matter, I just want to write it down here safely without people getting in on it. I think i might give up, I don't think I can do it..you may or may not know what I'm talking about. Either way don't think too much into it, its for myself to read over more or less. I've went through far too much shit since before LAST summer that I didn't deserve, I honestly don't think I deserve alot of thing's that have happened to me...I am a good person, I try to be and really...my emotions are not a chew toy to some people. Not that anyone's actually done anything wrong here or played me around or been mean or insensitive or not tried or anything..I just kind of have been thinking and I'm so sure I can't do it and am going to leave it unless I can work out the problems very soon. It's the first time EVER I sat outside smoking and thought about it all and shook my head and said outloud 'No..I can't do it, I actually can't' I'm being entirely honest when I said that.

I've realised that everyone, no matter how awful they may seem, is going through some kind of shit. And I honestly try to see that and help so their not alone. But what's the point when some people are the type who keep their problems to themselves and don't wanna hear about yours. You never know whats going on there atall..and it makes you feel like a dick abit if they've upset you and you say something because your sick of going through shit and they say for the first time ever 'Look ive had a stressful few days' and hey, i bet they havn't or maybe they have but how can you tell and should you even care? Because they never helped with you? ISN'T THAT CONFUSING.


Alot of people have died recently, to put it bluntly. People have died by both horrible accidents or killing themselves. Alot of my friends have had to go to more than one funeral in the past week. It's not a nice thing to hear. Also theirs been alot of cases of bullying and even...a 12 year old got raped recently by 2 guys I actually SEEN at Gay Pride.
Seriously..
Is everyone really that fucked up. It scares me. It makes me breathe faster and screw up my face and get really angry but at the same time UNBELIEVABLY scared. It's unsettling to say the least. With all that and your own shitty problems you begin to wonder is their even a point in talking to people. You act happy, sad, angry, annoyed..etc. and where does it get you...to yet another stupid problem after another. And OH NO things can never really go okay because everyone has different feelings and some stupid shit will pop up that makes your heart skip abeat and everyone around you frown at you.

There never really is a right way to go about things. Were all just sort of winging it in life. Trying to make the best of it. But everyone around us effects our emotions and were all so uncontrollable and confused. And everyone gets annoyed if people don't do this or people don't do that or if they DO do something. It's all down to what everyone wants to do. I myself have learned I am always going to do what I WANT to do...wether or not I know myself it's for better or worse in the long run. Who really cares though...you only get one life, right? Well no one actually really knows. And we all want someone to care. We all want to be loved and needed. Theres nothing just quite like it, is there?


I suddenly wanted to talk more about bullying. I don't want to talk about how I have been bullied atall. I really don't. It was the most horrible time of my life EVER, well so far. If your being bullied or have been then you should know that it dosn't last forever. These are just people being complete assholes and will either regret it or are already going through some stupid shit in their life that they feel the need to beat down on you. RUMOURS spawn bullying I'd say, because then a majority of people will listen to bullshit and then have a grudge against you. But like, why? Everyones done something weird or bad or abit iffy...what is the need to judge unless it is criminally insane what they've done. I mean really, get over yourself. No ones perfect. People honestly need to stop judging and listening to lies and rumours and actually ACTING on what they've heard and being a complete dick and even getting in on it. Why would you even want to belittle someone into feeling horrible. What the fuck do you gain from it? Make yourself feel better then people will like you more? Wow, insecure much then? Their just people afterall. PEOPLE. PEOPLE. PEOPLE. PEOPLE. PEOPLE.

that is what is wrong with this fucked up world.