duvet day

i think im having a duvet day blogging. Though its not the kinda duvet day you think back fondly of. I guess when im 50 or somethin ill be like, fuck i wish i could go back to when i was 17 and so angry and free. mmm yea that sounds about right.

Im listening to coldplay - the scientist to try and make myself feel even more shitter.
'nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard, oh take me back to the starrrt'
if i dont wise the fuck up now and do what i know i should do i will be repeatedly stuck like this and so very very unhappy. im writing this so i can keep reading this and force myself not to do the same stupid mistakes.i hate i can be made so happy, and then for it to be all taken away..purposely. i hate i get so close to being past it all and you drag me back in to false shitty hopes.

i wanna go back to when i was a kid or fuck even 3 years ago will do nicely. all my shitty problems then were so fucking retardly dramatic but i knew atleast i was actually happy, even when i was crying. the next day id be fucking grand. never would effect me. those problems are virtually nothing in comparison to now.

i wish to god i could go back to when you were cool, when we were cool. when every little thing made a lasting impact and is now a huge memory that i half want to erase. i wish to god i could go back then and maybe erase you? :/

'thats just life isnt it, its how it goes' maybe i don't even want to know you anymore if thats what you think.